burdens

Ever feel like you're just a burden to others? I do.

It's not like people tell me that I am so. But I can't help but to feel like I bother people too much. It's just that I don't get close to many people, so the few friends that I am close to are naturally the people I talk to and try to make plans with. So, I find myself becoming concerned that since I'm always spending time with only a few different people that perhaps they might become tired of me. Yet, it maybe that I only make this problem worse by the fact that it's so nerve-wracking to ask people out because I don't want to make too many demands or requests on their time. However, when I know that friends are going out I generally find it so difficult to ask if I can join because I was raised to never invite oneself but rather to wait for an invitation. Isn't that the way it goes or did I take that lesson too far?

Then again, could these insecurities and notions of etiquette be the real reasons? I guess at times these quirks make me seem aloof or un-caring, or whatever it may be. Though, the truth is that I do like people, especially making people happy. And maybe it's that desire to please and not to disappoint others that has brought me to this odd point of being concerned that my presence may be a burden and a point of unhappiness for others. Or could that truly be the case?

I think I think too much.